the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
