I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
