i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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