ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
