wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
