Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My penis needs a shock collar
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
