Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
