Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize