and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
