Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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