there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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