Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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