how can u be prego again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize