I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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