Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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