I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
