honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
