1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
