I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize