watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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