Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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