There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
