Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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