I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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