i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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