a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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