even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
