You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
