I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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