Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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