I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
