i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
