you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
