There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
