I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
