So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
