We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
