I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
