I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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