You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
