it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize