why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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