I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
