and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
