i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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