well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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