It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
