I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
