I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
