almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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