A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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