i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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