Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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