Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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