Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
