I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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