I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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