today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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