I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
