Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
