i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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