Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
