All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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