As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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