Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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