Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize