Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
