"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
