I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
