Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
