all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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