waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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