no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
