so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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