I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
