i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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