HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
