shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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