It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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