Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
