I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
