i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
