I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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