I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
