If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
