we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
