I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
