OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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