At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
