I think I am morally bankrupt
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
