where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
