you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
