heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
