so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
