This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
