you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize