dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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