just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
