I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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