I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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