Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You left your phone here
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