Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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