I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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